Thanks, Chief
by MuggleBeene
Summary: Neville Longbottom finds himself in the Amazon Rainforest with Luna Lovegood. Wandless. Stuck in a tree. How did he get there and how will he get down? And are those Crumple Horned Snorckacks flying around? Not part of the Professor Muggle series. Written for HeadlessHuntsman in the Teachers Lounge Valentine's Day Exchange.


**Thanks, Chief**

The sun beat down as Neville Longbottom's dirty face peered through broad, green leaves. He quickly moved his messy hair out of his face and looked across the way. "Let's recap. It's Valentine's Day, we're currently in the Amazon, my wand is broken, you lost yours on Thursday, it's Tuesday, we're hiding in the trees because not only do Crumple-Horned Snorckacks exist but they can fly and they're rather mean bastards who hate people. Did I miss anything?"

"I proposed to you yesterday." Luna adjusted her weight on the tree branch and smiled at Neville. "Is the fact that we might die the reason you haven't answered yet? If we live I'd like an answer."

Neville shook his head as a screaming Snorckack went by, its horn perilously close to his head. "I'd like an answer to why these things can fly. I thought you said they couldn't?"

"I know!" Luna beamed at him with a wide smile. "It's rather exciting. Daddy will be so pleased." Her face fell, and a look of consternation was easily read. "I'll have to tell Ronald Weasley, though."

"Weasley's the last of our problems, Luna!" Neville ducked as another Snorckack came within range, it's keening cry almost causing him pain as it went by. "And if this is the last thing that comes out of my mouth I'll regret it, but what about Weasley?"

Luna shrugged and then hugged the tree branch tighter. "When we were at Hogwarts I told Ronald that Crumpled-Horn Snorckacks couldn't fly. It's rather obvious they can, isn't it?"

"I'm sure he'll understand." Neville watched as the largest Snorckack let out a cry and began hovering not too far away from them. The other Snorckacks began to cluster around, chittering and flapping their great furry wings. Neville eyed them warily. "Uh, Luna, love? I think they're up to something."

"Of course they are, Neville. They're very intelligent. They're probably trying to decide how to best get us out of the trees. I don't think they'll eat us, though. Their teeth are too small for that."

As two Snorckacks began to fly over to the tree Neville shook his head and thought back to how he ended up in a tree in the Amazon Rainforest, with Luna Lovegood, the woman who had asked him to marry her, he hadn't answered yet and he was awaiting certain death from Crumple-Horned Snorckacks. He blamed Dean Thomas. More than that, though, if he ever got out of the tree and lived to make it back to England he was going to shove that bloody Xbox controller right up Dean's arse.

xxxxxxx

Neville wasn't planning on moving into Muggle London, it just happened that way. It was during one of the impromptu sessions at a Muggle pub, one of Dean's favorite haunts, that the plan was hatched. All of the former members of Dumbledore's Army, especially the roommates in a certain Gryffindor dorm room, seemed to congregate together, most of the time to discuss the direction, or lack thereof, in their lives. As Ron said one night, "I've got an Order of Merlin. Bloody great. Now what?" It was during one of those drinking sessions that living arrangements came up, mostly how Ron was chafing to be out The Burrow but he didn't want to live with George. Dean immediately suggested that they could all move in together, to a Muggle flat, and share expenses.

Initially it was a little unsettling for Neville, how much work it was to do things the Muggle way, but when Ron moved into the third bedroom and used his magic to take care of things, rolling his eyes at Dean, well, that was enough to make Neville happy. Dean, though, was not pleased. Apparently too much magic would ruin his Muggle things, especially the box that he was very proud of, something that started with X. After seeing what the Muggle machine could do even Ron was persuaded to limit his magic use. That was the beginning of what the girls called 'Muggle Toy Time.'

They all settled on Halo as the game, especially as they could all play at the same time. Dean was the best player, surprisingly Neville was the next best, with Ron in third unless Harry stopped over. Harry was abysmal at first, but he got better. The game also became their way to settling arguments; if Dean and Ron were at odds over whose turn it was to go to the shops, they settled it with Halo. The biggest match, with the most observers, was the epic Harry/Ron match over Hermione. Ron and Hermione had amicably ended whatever it was they had, nothing was ever finalized, and they had settled on friendship as the best outcome. When Harry had expressed interest in Hermione, Ron didn't take it well, leading to a long night for the flatmates. Eventually, though, it was Ginny Weasley of all people who suggested the Halo match, which shocked Harry as their breakup wasn't easy by any definition.

The day of the big Halo match arrived, with fairly high stakes; if Ron won he would get to rub it in Harry's nose when if it went badly with Hermione, but if Harry won Ron would have to be nothing but supportive to the couple. Neville watched the big match along with others, eventually on the sofa next to Luna Lovegood. After a few minutes she turned to Neville.

"Not the same as knights fighting over a lady's hand, but that's quite all right as I can't see Hermione like that. She would hate having to do her hair like that every day. I'm sure she would also think it was barbaric. Sweet, but barbaric. Oh look, Harry's space shooting person is sitting on Ron's space shooting person's head."

Neville laughed as Dean wrote on a large piece of paper 'Harry 1, Ron 0.' He looked over at Luna and a conversation with Dean from the other night ran through his head.

_So what are you gonna do, Neville, stay in the flat and play Xbox all day? So Ron asked out Hannah before you could, big deal. Don't stay here on the sofa all day, mate, or you'll be as big as Hagrid. Not as tall, mind you, but just as big. You never know what'll happen. Look at me an' Ginny. Never thought we'd get back together after her an' Harry, but stuff happens. Go out, do something, take a chance. Ask the first girl you see on a date._

As luck had it a few moments later Luna stopped by the flat to pick up Ginny for an event. Luna Lovegood, he would ask out Luna Lovegood.

xxxxxxxxx

As the Crumple Horned Snorckacks kept buzzing around them Neville looked over to Luna; if there were only moments left to live, then something inside him, something primal, took over. It was the same thing that happened with Nagini; something in Neville moved all doubts and fears aside and simply acted. One of the Snorckacks flew close enough to the tree, secure in the knowledge that the humans were hiding, but encountered a rather large shock when Neville reached out and jumped on it's back, clinging to it with his long legs wrapped around its furry torso, one arm around its scaly neck whilst the other tightly gripped the horn. While the Snorckack dipped in the air, its wings beating ferociously to keep aloft with the extra weight, Neville steered it over towards Luna, determined if he was going out he was going out with the woman he loved.

There, on the back of a Crumpled Horned Snorckack, in mid-air in the Amazon Rainforest, Neville realized that he utterly, truly loved Luna Lovegood.

In milliseconds the last year went through his head. The tentative first date after the Ron/Harry Halo match that Harry won, walking with Luna in a Muggle park. Taking her to tea with his Gran, the surprising approval of his Gran, finding out later about a rather candid conversation that his Gran and Luna had without his knowledge, her constant encouragement of his wanting to study Herbology on a professional basis, the way they stood in his little bedroom in the flat by the window while the rain slowly touched the glass, hesitantly touching each other. The next morning when Luna went to start the tea wearing only his shirt which was just slightly too short for propriety's sake and making Ron almost swallow his biscuit whole. Luna moving a few things into his room at the flat, then a few more, then finally moving in completely. Arranging with her father to explore magical plants in the Amazon rainforest while accompanying Luna's search for the Crumpled Horned Snorckacks.

All of that flashed through Neville's head as he steered the Snorckack towards Luna's tree, ignoring the wailing woof of the animal as it neared Luna's tree. When it was close enough he simply flung himself off of the Snorckack which did several things; firstly it put him in the same tree as Luna but several meters below her, secondly it scared off the rest of the Snorckacks, as the one Neville rode wanted nothing more to do with the pair of former Hogwarts students.

"Neville, what was it like? Oh, and I hope you're quite safe down there."

"Yeah, I'm safe." He took a deep breath and started the climb up the tree to be next to Luna. Eventually, after almost slipping once, he ended up standing on a branch that was near where Luna sat on a branch near the trunk of the tree. "And yes. My answer is 'yes,' Luna."

Without warning Luna slid off the branch and landed on the one Neville stood on, causing him to gasp and reach out to grab her with one hand. "I'm glad you said yes, Neville. I've been practicing on Dean's XXXbox in case you weren't sure. If I beat you you'd say yes, and if you beat me..."

Neville pulled Luna close and kissed her. "Let's not talk about that, OK? How about we figure out how we're getting out of this?"

As she held on to Neville, Luna noticed the Snorckack that Neville had 'flown' was circling back around again, which initially made her worried. After she saw the way it kept circling around her fiancee, though, Luna smiled.

_6 months later_

As the reporters from all the magical publications gathered around Xenophilius Lovegood's house, the mood was one of scoffing irritation; everyone knew the daughter of the daft publisher of The Quibbler was simply having them on. There was no such thing as a Crumpled Horned Snorckack, so the assembled team of reporters milled about and satisfied themselves with the fact that they had cleaned out the free food and tea table.

Then the Lovegood girl walked around the corner of the house holding hands with that bloke, what was his name, one of those Dumbledore's Army kids with Potter, one of the Order of Merlin winners...that was at least a decent story. _Order of Merlin Winner Goes Mental for Quibbler Girl. _As everyone settled down the Lovegood girl tugged on the Longbottom kid's sleeve, he nodded, whistled, and then all bloody hell broke loose. Five, no six of the weirdest looking animals flew out from behind Lovegood's crazy house and landed in front of them and the Lovegood girl said they were Crumple Horned Snorckacks!

After the tumult and shouting died down, after the pictures were taken, the Longbottom boy stood at a conjured podium and started answering their questions. The Snorckacks were found in Brazil, they have a weakness for Dirgible Plums, and can be tamed. More than that, though, they could be tamed.

"This one here, well, he was the first one to be tamed, the brave one." Neville whistled again and a Snorckack came forward and rubbed against Neville, mindful of the horn. "Chief here got us back home. They're brilliant at navigation. My fiancee and I flew them back to a small wizarding village in Brazil and then made the arrangements to come back home."

"Your fiancee?" A hand went up in the back. "Edmund Brantley, The Weekly Wanderer, Cardiff. Are you and Miss Lovegood..."

"Yes, we're engaged." Neville smiled and took Luna's hand. "And we're researching not only the Snorckacks but the Flowering Tizcoop, the Snorcack's main source of nutrition. Extremely rare plant, which explains why it took so long to definitively find them."

"And Snorckack feathers make wonderful potions. Especially aphrodisiacs, but we really don't need those, do we Neville?"

The picture that ran in all the papers worldwide showed Luna and Neville next to the Crumple Horned Snorckack named Chief, and even though the majority of the pictures were black and white, Neville's blush of happy embarrassment was evident to any and all.


End file.
